Love Came Down at Christmas
December 3, 2012
By Rev Ed Hird
Christmas is about love. It is so easy to be cynical about love, to be hurt by what looks like love, to give up on ever being truly loved. What is love, sang Tina Turner, but a second hand emotion? When we are hurt, our heart can shut down. We can grow cold and jaded, singing with Tina: “Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?” Sometimes in my life, my heart has grown cold. Sometimes I lose my passion. That is when God has broken in and renewed my heart with his love. I remember one time when he literally baptized my heart with love. It seemed like I was walking in an ocean of God’s love and healing. I wish that I could live there daily.
Love means many different things to many people. For some, love is expressed through gift-giving. We can thank the three wise men bringing gifts for the flood of presents given every Christmas. But love is more than just giving people gifts. Love is also about quality time. We live in a frantically busy culture, particularly on the North Shore, where it seems like there is never enough time to do all that we want to do. It is so easy in our task orientation to lose the relational focus. Love stops to listen. Love puts down the newspaper and the cell phone to give true face-to-face time. Love is curious, open and present. Love is willing to change. Love is willing to grow. Love is willing to admit that we are often wrong.
Love chooses to encourage when everyone else is tearing down another person. Love, in the words of 1 Corinthians 13, never gives up on you, always believes in you, always takes a chance on you. Love realizes that sticks and stones do break our bones, that words will hurt and crush us. Love says no to bullying. Love grieves over the tragic loss of Amanda Todd. Love never gives up, never lets go, always speaks blessing. Love adds value. Love cares. Love respects. Love allows you to be yourself.
Love doesn’t just talk the talk. It walks the walk. Love is practical, down-to-earth. Love is a cup of cold water, the gift of a meal, a roof over our head. Love is the washing of another’s feet, the wiping of their brow. Love is meeting people’s needs. Jean Vanier, founder of the L’Arche Community, said that love doesn’t mean doing extraordinary or heroic things. It means knowing how to do ordinary things with tenderness. The Great Physician said that he came not to be served but to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many. Love is the way of the cross, the way of suffering, the way of unselfishness.
Love is both a verb and a noun. To say that God is love is true, but it can feel abstract. What if God put love into action by entering our neighbourhood? What if God came down at Christmas? What if Christmas is actually about God embracing us?
This Christmas I invite you to look again at the baby in the manger, the Christ child. Ask yourself if love came down at Christmas. Ask yourself if this love might touch your heart. The greatest is love. May love fill you, your family and your friends to overflowing during this Advent/Christmas season.
Rev Ed Hird, Rector
St. Simon’s Church North Vancouver
Anglican Mission in the Americas (Canada)
http://stsimonschurch.ca
-an article for the December 2012 Deep Cove Crier
-award-winning author of the book ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’
http://www.battleforthesoulofcanada.blogspot.com
p.s. In order to obtain a copy of the book ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #1008-555 West 28th Street, North Vancouver, BC V7N 2J7. For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD. This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $9.99 CDN/USD.
-Click to download a complimentary PDF copy of the Battle for the Soul study guide : Seeking God’s Solution for a Spirit-Filled Canada
You can also download the complimentary Leader’s Guide PDF: Battle for the Soul Leaders Guide
Valentines articles to prepare your hearts for Feb 14th
February 7, 2011
Note: Thanks to your ‘dialing in’, there was over 900 people today reading these articles, the most ever in one day.
By Rev Ed Hird I will always remember Valentine’s Day, February 14th 1967 back in Grade 7. My best friends celebrated Valentine’s Day by having each of us name the 10 girls we liked best in order (1-10).
By Reverend Ed Hird On New Year’s Eve in 1976, the well-known author Michael Harper was sailing solo on Lake Taupo in New Zealand. Suddenly his boat capsized in a particularly violent squall about a mile offshore.
The famous Vancouver based author Dr. J.I. Packer once commented that “marriage, being the most delicate and demanding of relationships, as well as potentially the most delightful, is a terribly difficult topic on which to write wisely and well.”
edhird.wordpress.com
By Rev Ed Hird Is it okay to suggest in 2011 that we as men and women are equal but often different? Too often equality becomes reduced to a sterile sameness. True equality between the sexes involves a joyous celebrating of our very real differences…
edhird.wordpress.com
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By Reverend Ed Hird My wife Janice and I will soon be celebrating our 34th Wedding Anniversary. Over three decades later, I can say without reservation that I love her more deeply with each passing year.
edhird.wordpress.com
edhird.wordpress.com
edhird.wordpress.com
By Reverend Ed Hird Valentine’s Day rolls around every year without fail. Husbands forget Feb 14th at their peril. Somehow our wives interpret our forgetting Valentine’s Day as a sign that we don’t care, that we may be putting other priorities ahead of them.
How about working on your anger as a Valentine’s Day gift?
edhird.wordpress.com
Dr John Gottman has much to teach us that will help us prepare for Valentine’s Day 2011
edhird.wordpress.com
Note: Thanks to your ‘dialing in’, there was over 900 people today reading these articles, the most ever in one day.
By Rev Ed Hird I will always remember Valentine’s Day, February 14th 1967 back in Grade 7. My best friends celebrated Valentine’s Day by having each of us name the 10 girls we liked best in order (1-10).
By Reverend Ed Hird On New Year’s Eve in 1976, the well-known author Michael Harper was sailing solo on Lake Taupo in New Zealand. Suddenly his boat capsized in a particularly violent squall about a mile offshore.
The famous Vancouver based author Dr. J.I. Packer once commented that “marriage, being the most delicate and demanding of relationships, as well as potentially the most delightful, is a terribly difficult topic on which to write wisely and well.”
edhird.wordpress.com
By Rev Ed Hird Is it okay to suggest in 2011 that we as men and women are equal but often different? Too often equality becomes reduced to a sterile sameness. True equality between the sexes involves a joyous celebrating of our very real differences…
edhird.wordpress.com
edhird.wordpress.com
edhird.wordpress.com
By Reverend Ed Hird My wife Janice and I will soon be celebrating our 34th Wedding Anniversary. Over three decades later, I can say without reservation that I love her more deeply with each passing year.
edhird.wordpress.com
edhird.wordpress.com
edhird.wordpress.com
By Reverend Ed Hird Valentine’s Day rolls around every year without fail. Husbands forget Feb 14th at their peril. Somehow our wives interpret our forgetting Valentine’s Day as a sign that we don’t care, that we may be putting other priorities ahead of them.
How about working on your anger as a Valentine’s Day gift?
edhird.wordpress.com
Dr John Gottman has much to teach us that will help us prepare for Valentine’s Day 2011
edhird.wordpress.com
The Love Affair
February 7, 2011
By Reverend Ed Hird
On New Year’s Eve in 1976, the well-known author Michael Harper was sailing solo on Lake Taupo in New Zealand. Suddenly his boat capsized in a particularly violent squall about a mile offshore. Clinging to the side of the boat and unable to right it, Michael was rescued after an hour in the chilly glacial waters. He nearly died of hypothermia.
When Michael recovered, he asked God why He had saved him and what God wanted him to do. The reply came something like this: “I want you to learn how to love people the same way as I do.” Michael learned that very day that life is meant to be a Love Affair, that life is meant to be dedicated to learning how to really love each other in a genuine way. The famous ethicist Joseph Fletcher wrote that the opposite of love is not “hate” but rather “indifference”. Fletcher writes, “… There is one thing worse than evil itself, and that is indifference to it.” The lowest point to which our society often seems to sink is when it says, I couldn’t care less.’
As Michael Harper struggled with learning how to really love people, he became aware that there are few words in the English language that are more open to abuse than the word “love”. “Love is swampy” is how Joseph Fletcher describes the problem. Much of what is called love today is little more than making sure that our needs are met. Need-centered love, however, is self-centered and narcissistic. True love, said Karl Barth, is when a person gives them self to another with no expectation of a return, in a pure venture, even at the risk of ingratitude, and of that other person’s refusal to make a response of love. That kind of love is very scary because it involves the possibility of being rejected and hurt. That is why we so often prefer self-centered love to other-centered love.
Harper comments that “the widespread identification of the word love with sex indicates that most people think that sex ought to be an experience of love … and that is where the frustration comes in. People feel cheated because sex has not delivered the goods.” A good marriage, says Harper, in which both husband and wife delight to give each others pleasure, and thereby reassure one another of the love that they have for each other, does more for the reestablishment of true love than almost anything else. The bible calls this kind of true love “AGAPE LOVE”. Most of us have been to weddings where a passage is read from the bible telling us about true love: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud it is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13).” it would be helpful for all of us, whether churchgoers or not, to regularly measure our marriage relationships against that standard of Christian love.
I am more convinced than ever that love is what it is all about. That is why the bible even says that God is love … not self centered love, but rather other centered love. Harper reminds us that “Jesus did not come to present a new set of ideas to us. He came to show us the meaning of love. He revealed what love is. He manifested love. The 
secret of Jesus’ revolution was not the love of power but the power of love.” When Jesus, hung on the cross, he stretched out his arms and said, in effect, “this is how much I love you.” And most amazingly when the Roman soldiers were torturing him and humiliating him, Jesus cried out, “Father, forgive them for they ‘don’t know what they are doing.” Jesus has taught me that the finest quality of true love is its power to forgive. As the late Michael Harper puts it, love without forgiveness is meaningless.
My prayer for those reading this article is that true love may so invade our lives that costly forgiveness will become normal for us in our daily lives.
The Rev. Ed Hird, Rector
St. Simon’s Church North Vancouver
Anglican Mission in the Americas (Canada)
http://stsimonschurch.ca
-award-winning author of the book ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’
-previously published in the Deep Cove Crier
http://www.battleforthesoulofcanada.blogspot.com
p.s. In order to obtain a copy of the book ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #1008-555 West 28th Street, North Vancouver, BC V7N 2J7. For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD. This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $9.99CDN/USD.
-Click to download a complimentary PDF copy of the Battle for the Soul study guide : Seeking God’s Solution for a Spirit-Filled Canada
You can also download the complimentary Leader’s Guide PDF: Battle for the Soul Leaders Guide
A Deep Cove Love Story
September 13, 2010
By Rev Ed Hird
On May 19th 1987 at 2:15 in the afternoon, I met a dear couple who changed my life. I had no idea that I would spend the next twenty-one years getting to know them better. As long-term Deep Cove residents, Mr and Mrs Ashley and Rita Carr helped a rather naïve, well-meaning 32-year-old Anglican clergyman learn more about the meaning of life.
As some of the longest members of St. Simon’s North Vancouver, Rita and Ashley taught me much about the people and life of our congregation back in the early pioneering 1950s. Some of their stories, especially about going fishing with Bud the local Anglican priest, were hilarious and full of fun. Rita and Ashley had a way of making a person feel deeply loved and welcomed. They truly lived out the Golden Rule and the Good Book’s call to love one’s neighbour as themselves.
I will always remember that first home visit with Rita and Ashley on Dollarton Highway. As she always did in each succeeding visit, Rita fed me with juice and cookies, and then asked about my family and the congregation. She said to me “It’s about time to get back into the fold”, commenting that when children get older, it’s easy to become inactive.
Some people say nice things to clergy to make them feel better, hoping that they will go away. Rita and Ashley were people of their word. First Rita came back to church, dropped off by Ashley. But gradually Ashley returned as well. They had their favorite seat in the congregation. Even though the Carrs were older, they loved the liveliness of the younger people in our contemporary 10:30am service.
Rita and Ashley aged well. They were one of the most loving and good-natured older couples that I have known. Their deep love for each other ‘for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part’ was an inspiration to many younger couples. Rita was part of the Sweet Adelines singers for many years. She really was one of the sweetest Deep Cove residents that I have had the privilege of meeting. Rita and Ashley were always so good-tempered and kind to others. Even in the worst of times, they always left me feeling better after visiting them.
At the end of every home visit, I would offer to read the bible and pray with them. Rita was a deep woman of prayer. She always prayed with me for each member of her family that they would know Jesus’ love for them. Even after her health made her a shut-in, Rita kept in touch with her church family and friends. It was hard for her to not be able to attend her regular Thursday morning St. Simon’s NV home group. But she was always there in spirit.
On July 4th 2008, Rita went home to be with the Lord. Her husband Ashley deeply misses her. As a World War II ‘war bride’, Rita had three homes: England, Deep Cove and Heaven. Rita was ready to go Home. She had a deep confidence in what Jesus had accomplished for her on the cross, and a quiet assurance of the reality of life after death. Like many in the Deep Cove/Seymour community, I deeply miss Rita, and look forward to having ‘English tea’ with her some day in heaven.
This summer I was privileged to take the wedding of Ashley and Rita Carr’s granddaughter right in the Carr condominion. During the marriage service, I reminded their granddaughter of the great example that Rita had set, of Rita’s love and faithfulness: ”Be like Rita. The love of Jesus shone through her.”
The Reverend Ed Hird, Rector
St. Simon’s Church North Vancouver
Anglican Mission in the Americas (Canada)
- previously published in the Deep Cove Crier
http://stsimonschurch.ca
-award-winning author of the book ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’
http://www.battleforthesoulofcanada.blogspot.com
p.s. In order to obtain a copy of the book ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #1008-555 West 28th Street, North Vancouver, BC V7N 2J7. For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD. This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $9.99 CDN/USD.
-Click to download a complimentary PDF copy of the Battle for the Soul study guide : Seeking God’s Solution for a Spirit-Filled Canada
You can also download the complimentary Leader’s Guide PDF: Battle for the Soul Leaders Guide
Transforming a Woman’s Soul
September 11, 2010
By Rev Ed Hird
Many of us, whether women or men, fail to remember that we are made in God’s image. God does not make any junk. He makes all things beautiful in His time. God is beautiful. God is the author of all beauty and all creativity. The Psalms tell us that we worship to behold God’s beauty. That is why we are repeatedly encouraged in the Good Book to worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness.
On a recent visit, I was shown a fascinating book by Heidi McLaughlin entitled “Beauty Unleashed: Transforming a Woman’s Soul”. For the past 22 years, her passion has been to help women walk in the knowledge that they are one of God’s most glorious creations.
Heidi says that ‘there is nothing more beautiful than a woman who knows that she is loved. She is the one who glows with energy when she walks into a room.’ ‘Every human being’, Heidi writes, ‘on this planet yearns to be loved. Everyone looks for something real and tangible: unconditional love.’
We can choose to be either part of the problem or part of the solution. As Heidi puts 
it, ‘wherever we are, our love can melt the hardest heart, heal wounded hearts, show compassion, or quiet an anxious or fearful heart.’ Love is the most powerful force in the universe. The heart of Jesus’ self-sacrifice on the cross was love. As we love hurting people, we help them discover that there is hope and a future.
Heidi teaches that ‘to unleash our greatest beauty, we must let go of expectations.’ This is the heart of the well-known phrase ‘Let go and let God’. So often we cripple ourselves with our hidden demands of how life should be going. Surrendering our hopes, dreams and fears to God will take a heavy load off our shoulders that was never meant to be there. We are called to cast our cares on Him, for he cares for us. That is why the Great Physician said: “Come to you, all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light, and you will find rest for your souls.’
God is offering a beauty rest that will transform your soul. As Heidi puts it, ‘I believe that there is nothing God wants to do more than to shower us with his life.’ God sees your beauty and calls it forth. Will you say yes to His beautiful love?
The Reverend Ed Hird, Rector
St. Simon’s Church North Vancouver
Anglican Mission in the Americas (Canada)
-previously published in the Deep Cove Crier
http://stsimonschurch.ca
-award-winning author of the book ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’
http://www.battleforthesoulofcanada.blogspot.com
p.s. In order to obtain a copy of the book ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #1008-555 West 28th Street, North Vancouver, BC V7N 2J7. For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD. This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $9.99 CDN/USD.
-Click to download a complimentary PDF copy of the Battle for the Soul study guide : Seeking God’s Solution for a Spirit-Filled Canada
You can also download the complimentary Leader’s Guide PDF: Battle for the Soul Leaders Guide
‘Been Like a Mother to Me’
July 10, 2010
By Rev Ed Hird
My mother will never forget the time that she opened up her Mother’s Day card and read the words: ‘You’ve Been Like a Mother To Me’. “But I am your real mother!”, she said. “Exactly”, I responded. “That’s why I chose the card. It’s wonderful that you were not only my birth-mother but also have been so genuinely motherly to me’.
I have been so blessed to have a mother who has been so full of care and compassion through the good times and the bad. But not everyone has been so fortunate. Some people have been raised by their birth-mothers who were so wounded that they were unable to express love and nurture during the formative years. This can leave people with a big hole in their hearts and a sense of loneliness that is hard to express.
Drs. Dennis Cloud & John Townsend, best-selling authors of ‘Boundaries’ and ‘The Mother Factor’, believe that ‘mothering is the most significant, demanding and underpaid profession around.’ When they interviewed people about their definitions of true mothering, certain words came up again and again: nurture, care, bondedness, cookies, and trust. Drs. Cloud and Townsend were able to name five basic needs that must be met by a mother, in order for us to be healthy and secure:
Safety
Nurture
Basic Trust
Belonging and Invitation
Someone to Love.
Safety, says Cloud & Townsend, comes in the form of a person who is predictable, stable, and danger-free. Without this person, the child remains in a state of panic or anxiety, unable to love or learn. I give thanks for my mother who gave me this gift of personal safety. I always knew intuitively that whether I was a success or a failure, obedient or rebellious, my mother would always be there for me.
The second need that mothers meet is ‘to nurture’. Webster’s Dictionary says that to nurture is to ‘feed or nourish’. When I was troubled at school by bullies or exams, my mother was always there to feed me, with cookies, milk, and a listening ear. I remember going through deep struggles as a teenager about the meaning of life and career choices. Mom was always there to listen. True, I often rejected her advice and was closed to her deep spirituality. But most important, her nurturing and food were always there when I was struggling.
The third need that mothers meet is ‘basic trust’. Drs. Cloud & Townsend teach that basic trust is the ability to invest oneself in a relationship. Healthy people let themselves need and depend on others without fear. We live in a high-tech disposable age where everything is up for grabs. There is an enormous fear of commitment and long-term intimacy. Yet simultaneously many of us ache from the absence of such relational rootedness. My wife and I have been happily married for 33 years. I believe that a big part of why I have not self-destructed my own marriage is because of how healthy my mother was. My mother modeled for me the value of hanging in there through the thick and the thin. My mother demonstrated a deep faith and trust that good would always come out of even the most tragic situations. With the help of her favorite comic writer Erma Bombeck, my mother could always find something to smile about, even when life was not ‘a bowl of cherries’.
The fourth need that mothers meet is ‘belonging and invitation’. All of us, say Drs. Cloud & Townsend, have the need to belong to someone and to something bigger than ourselves. Belonging and love are at the root of our humanness. My mother, as a gifted chauffeur, was forever driving me to endless soccer, baseball, hockey, chess, swimming, & skiing lessons. She knew that I had a deep need to belong and to grow. My mom also did her best to involve me in Sunday school, confirmation classes, youth groups, and summer camps. I had no idea how much I really needed the church family to be my ‘spiritual mother’. Like many in our individualistic age, I figured that I could do any spirituality better on my own. My mother never forced religion down my throat, but the door was always wide open. Thanks, Mom, for introducing me to God’s family.
The fifth need that mothers meet is ‘someone to love’. There is perhaps no greater wound in a child than having a mother who just can’t love you. We know intuitively that everything about true motherhood is about love and caring. Yet some moms have been so damaged that they are what Drs. Cloud & Townsend would call ‘Phantom Moms’: moms who are not really there in any tangible sense. Others have moms who Drs. Cloud & Townsend call ‘China Doll Moms’: moms who are so fragile and stressed out that no one can get too close for fear of shattering them. Without a mom who can show us real love, we end up feeling unwanted at a deep level and estranged from our true identity. Thank you, Mom, that once again you came through for me in a very practical way. For the last 55 years, you have shown me time and time again that I matter to you, and that you really care. The love of Christ that I see in you allows me to show that same love to others.
The best news of all is that even if our mothers couldn’t fully meet these five basic needs, God can make up for any love deficit. As the Good Book puts it, ‘though your father and mother forsake you, I the Lord will receive you.’ My prayer for for those reading this article is that each of us may discover afresh the amazing love of God, especially as seen in the loving arms of our mothers.
The Reverend Ed Hird, Rector
St. Simon’s Church North Vancouver
Anglican Mission in the Americas (Canada)
http://stsimonschurch.ca
-previously published in the Deep Cove Crier
-award-winning author of the book ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’
http://www.battleforthesoulofcanada.blogspot.com
p.s. In order to obtain a copy of the book ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #1008-555 West 28th Street, North Vancouver, BC V7N 2J7. For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD. This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $9.99 CDN/USD.
-Click to download a complimentary PDF copy of the Battle for the Soul study guide : Seeking God’s Solution for a Spirit-Filled Canada
You can also download the complimentary Leader’s Guide PDF: Battle for the Soul Leaders Guide
Blessed are Those Who Mourn
July 1, 2010
By Rev Ed Hird 
I lived in Montreal, Quebec, during the days of Trudeaumania, and was naively caught up in the energy of it. I even had newspaper photos of Trudeau plastered on my wall. Trudeau symbolized the boundless optimism of Canada in the late 1960’s when we believed that if we tried a bit harder, our national problems would rapidly go away. As a westerner who has spent most of my life in BC, I also went through the alienation phase with Trudeau when my heart hardened to his style of leadership. Given the hardness of my heart, I was surprised how much his funeral moved me, even to the point of tears. I felt like I wasn’t just mourning for Trudeau’s death but for the death of an era when things seemed simpler.
When my mother-in-law passed on, my wife and I both decided to take a 13-week ‘Grief Share’ course. Grief Share is a video series with small group sharing by the participants. As a clergyman, I often take funerals and help others deal with their grief. But when one’s own family is involved, grief is experienced quite differently.
We live in a high-tech culture that gives us 
little time to really grieve. In contrast to the speed of modern internet communications, grieving cannot be rushed. The heart of ‘quality grieving’ involves a lot of ‘quantity grieving’. Grieving takes a lot more time than many of us want to devote to it.
Another thing that has been reinforced to me through taking the ‘Grief Share’ course is that grieving is best done in community and through relationships. Our culture is radically individualistic and private about things that really matter. Some people have become so private about death that they have even given up on funerals. Instead we just read in the paper about the death of former friends and loved ones. The tragedy of the demise of funerals is that it has left many people stuck in grief, with no way to express it.
I was in the Okanagan visiting relatives when my Aunt Marg said to me: ‘Ed, I have a friend who has had a mental breakdown, and no one can figure out why. Can you help her?’ 
Meeting with Aunt Marg’s friend, I discovered that due to an physical illness, she had missed her mother’s funeral. Sensing that this was the root of the breakdown, I led her on the shore of Lake Okanagan in some brief prayers, releasing memories of her mom into the arms of Jesus. Upon returning to Vancouver, my Aunt Marg phoned me and said: ‘I don’t know what happened. But whatever you did seemed to work. She is totally better now’. Some of you reading this article may be suffering at this very moment from never having been able to go to the funeral of a loved one. Perhaps your loved one lived half way around the world, and it didn’t seem practical. Perhaps no funeral was even permitted. Either way, you need to create the opportunity for you to release the memories of your loved one into Jesus’ arms.
Grief, when not dealt with, can cut us off from others. Grief can paralyze our day-to-day functioning in ways that can be embarrassing. None of us are immune from grief. That is why the Good Book encourages us to ‘weep with those who weep’. Grieving is best done when a loving community and family surround us with their thoughts and prayers. We have to fight the temptation in grief that makes us want to hide away and try to handle it ourselves. Time by itself heals nothing. In fact, refusing to weep with those who weep can actually make us sick, sick at heart, sick in body, sick in spirit. How much unnecessary cancer, heart disease and arthritis comes because we refuse to grieve?
That is why the most famous person in the universe said: ‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted’. Jesus knew that there is a healing that can come when we face our grief head-on. There is a comfort that can come when we are willing to be honest about how tough it has been to lose our loved ones. There is a blessing that will come when we let the tears flow and allow others to listen deeply to our pain. Even Jesus, the Son of God, went through intense grief and loss. The shortest verse in the bible is simply ‘Jesus wept’. Weeping is an expression of the depth of our love.
I have found that grieving will not destroy me, but refusing to grieve will. Grieving will not cause me to fall apart, but rather fall together. Grieving will not bring a breakdown, but rather a breakthrough. So many of the dysfunctional and addictive things that we do in life are the fruit of our unwillingness to do the hard work of grieving. But running from death always brings death, death of hope, death of peace and death of intimacy.
By embracing death on that painful cross, Jesus broke the power of death to destroy our hopes and dreams. By rising from the dead, Jesus proved that death does not have the final word. By faith in Jesus’ resurrection, we will see our loved ones again. We need not fear as we grieve, for Jesus has them in his loving arms.
The Reverend Ed Hird, Rector
St. Simon’s Church North Vancouver
Anglican Mission in the Americas (Canada)
http://stsimonschurch.ca
-award-winning author of the book ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’
http://www.battleforthesoulofcanada.blogspot.com
p.s. In order to obtain a copy of the book ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #1008-555 West 28th Street, North Vancouver, BC V7N 2J7. For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD. This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $9.99CDN/USD.
-Click to download a complimentary PDF copy of the Battle for the Soul study guide : Seeking God’s Solution for a Spirit-Filled Canada
You can also download the complimentary Leader’s Guide PDF: Battle for the Soul Leaders Guide
Secrets to a Healthy Marriage
June 4, 2010
By Rev Ed Hird
Reflecting on what makes a marriage work, I was struck by how vital is the gift of forgiveness. My wife, by the way, is very gifted at forgiving, probably because I have given her so much practice. My wife is also very patient and persevering, as I have noticed that often in our marriage, it has taken me a while to really grow and change. The fact that she never gives up on me, and that she keeps on believing the best for me, is a wonderful gift indeed.
I recently read a fascinating book entitled ‘Men & Women: Enjoying the Differences’ by the best-selling author Dr. Larry Crabb. He commented that ‘self-centered living is the real culprit in marriages with problems. Other-centered living is the answer.’ Many of us enter marriage thinking that our spouse will meet our deepest needs. We then feel cheated when they don’t, and begin to close our hearts. How many of us enter marriage with the view that we are there to serve our spouse? How many of us see marriage as a way of serving God? A marriage where both 
partners are committed to serving one another, to ‘washing one another’s feet’ is a marriage in which self-centeredness gets sidelined. What will it take, says Dr. Crabb, to realize that our selfishness is without excuse and that our first job, in our friendships and marriages, is to recognize our selfishness and learn how we can change?
One thing that men and women have equally in common is that we are all equally self-centered and selfish. Little growth in marriages take place, says Dr. Crabb, until we realize that the disease of self-centeredness is fatal to our souls and marriages. Nothing exposes our self-centeredness more clearly than anger. Because our hearts are deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9), we have an amazing ability to justify our own anger and bitterness towards our spouse, while simultaneously excusing our own bad attitudes. Being angry at our spouses can be very attractive, because it makes us feel both powerful and self-righteous. Having counseled dozens of couples over the years, I am continually amazed at the self-deception of many who convince themselves that the problem is their spouse, and that their personal faults are far more minor and merely reactive. Self-centeredness is a cancer that blinds us from seeing that the problem is not merely our spouse; the problem is ourselves.
Our culture is saturated with excuses for 
everything. It is not my fault. It’s my spouse’s, my parent’s, my government’s, or my boss’ fault. A.A. calls that ‘stinking thinking’. Few of us are willing to do a thorough moral inventory of our own personal faults. The bible uses a short, unpopular word for self-centeredness. It calls it ‘sin’. Sin doesn’t mean that we are axe-murderers or child molesters. The heart of the word ‘sin’ is the ‘I’ at the middle. The heart of most marriage problems is self-centered sin.
Dr. E. Stanley Jones, founder of the Christian Ashram, once said that ‘there can be no love between a husband and wife unless there is mutual self-surrender. Love simply cannot spring up without that self-surrender to each other. If either withholds the self, love cannot exist.’ A man and his wife were having painful marriage difficulties. The wife went away to a Christian Ashram, and surrendered her marriage to the Lord. When she returned home, her husband said to her: ‘Well, Miss High and Mighty, what did you learn at the Ashram?’ She replied: ‘I’ve learned that I’ve been the cause of all our troubles.’ She got up from her chair, came around beside him and knelt, folded her hands and said: ‘Please forgive me. I’m the cause of all our troubles.’ At that moment, her husband nearly upset the kitchen table, while getting down on his knees beside her. He blurted out, ‘You’re not the cause of all our troubles — I am.’ There they met each other — and God. Each surrendered to Jesus, then they surrendered to each other and were free. Now this couple, instead of continually criticizing each other, are one in love and forgiveness.
My prayer for those reading this article is that many may find victory through surrender.
The Reverend Ed Hird, Rector
St. Simon’s Church North Vancouver
Anglican Mission in the Americas (Canada)
http://stsimonschurch.ca
-award-winning author of the book ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’
http://www.battleforthesoulofcanada.blogspot.com
p.s. In order to obtain a copy of the book ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #1008-555 West 28th Street, North Vancouver, BC V7N 2J7. For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD. This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $9.99CDN/USD.
-Click to download a complimentary PDF copy of the Battle for the Soul study guide : Seeking God’s Solution for a Spirit-Filled Canada
You can also download the complimentary Leader’s Guide PDF: Battle for the Soul Leaders Guide
-previously published in the Deep Cove Crier
Rembrandt: The Prodigal Painter Returns
August 30, 2009
By Rev. Ed Hird
How do you feel about the world-famous Mr. Van Rijn’s paintings?
Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn is one of the few men or women in history recognizable from just his first name. Others are Napoleon, Michaelangelo, and Cleopatra. Today Rembrandt is known to hundreds of millions of people in all parts of the world. Many art experts see him as the greatest of all Dutch painters, indeed as one of the greatest artists who ever lived.
By his subtle contrasts of light and dark, Rembrandt caused the people he painted to seem alive. Theatre people often call Rembrandt the Shakespeare of painting –for his capacity to probe personality, his compassion for each person he depicts, and his feeling for grasping the dramatic moment and displaying it with moving effect.
On July 15, 1606, Rembrandt was born as the 
ninth child of a well-to-do couple in Leiden, Holland. While in his early 20’s, he developed an overnight celebrity status somewhat akin to the rise of the Beatles. This brief time of prosperity and popularity,however, was followed by much sorrow and rejection. Championed as the Netherlands alternative to Peter Paul Ruben in Belgium, Rembrandt became very wealthy and over-extended. Taking out an enormous mortgage on a beautiful house, he was accused of wasting his inheritance and living an indulgent lifestyle.
Rembrandt responded by painting himself with his wife Saskia, as a Prodigal Son/wealthy playboy with his latest female conquest. As a young person, Rembrandt had all the attributes of the Prodigal Son: brash, overconfident, spendthrift, hedonistic, and very arrogant. Money dominated and crippled much of his life. He earned a lot; he consumed a lot; he wasted a lot. Sadly, much of his energy and talent was depleted in protracted court cases about financial disputes and bankruptcy affairs.
Rembrandt’s best-known painting, the so-
called Night Watch, was both his greatest success artistically and his worst failure relationally. While painting the Night Watch, he made many people angry who would no longer buy his paintings. The soldiers, who paid to be in the picture, all wanted to be front and centre. Instead of painting a typical group portrait, Rembrandt created a masterpiece where some soldiers were prominent and others were hardly visible.
Around that time, his wealthy heiress wife Saskia, whom he deeply loved and admired, died, leaving Rembrandt to care for his nine-month-old son, Titus. Rembrandt had already lost his son Rumbartus in 1635, his first daughter Cornelia in 1638, and his second daughter Cornelia in 1640. Ten days before Saskia died, she changed her will so that Rembrandt would never be able to remarry without being disinherited.
After Saskia’s death, things worsened. Rembrandt became involved in a very unhappy relationship with his housekeeper, Geertje Dircx. When he refused to marry her, she took Rembrandt to court and won a settlement. In response, Rembrandt and Geertje’s own brother had Geertje confined to an insane asylum for the next five years.
Unable to marry, he then became involved in 
another scandal with his new housekeeper, Hendrickje Stoffels, whose pregnancy scared off even more of his Dutch customers. His financial problems became so severe that in 1656 Rembrandt was declared insolvent. All of Rembrandt’s possessions, his large collection of artwork, and his house in Amsterdam were sold in three auctions during 1657 and 1658. In 1663, Hendrickje, who has been described as ‘one of the noblest souls to serve a troubled genius’, died. Five years later, Rembrandt’s hopes were again raised and then dashed when he celebrated his son Titus’ wedding, only to see him buried that same year. Only his daughter Cornelia, his daughter-in-law Magdalene van Loo, and his granddaughter Titia survived him.
Rembrandt became more and more fascinated with painting ‘old age’, as he felt that it often revealed the most about human nature. Bludgeoned by tragedies that might have crushed a weaker man, Rembrandt achieved a new depth to his art. Rembrandt was close to his death when he painted his Prodigal Son, seen by many as the last will and testament of a turbulent and troubled life.
In his Prodigal Son painting*, the essence of 
love was concentrated in the hands. When the famous author Henri Nouwen saw the Prodigal Son painting in the St Petersburg Hermitage, he was struck by the sight of “a man in a great red cloak tenderly touching the shoulders of a disheveled boy kneeling before him. I could not take my eyes away. I felt drawn by the intimacy between the two figures, the warm red of the man’s cloak, the golden yellow of the boy’s tunic, and the mysterious light engulfing them both. But, most of all, it was the hands –the old man’s hands–as they touched the boy’s shoulders that reached me in a place where I had never been reached before. …” Nouwen realized that Rembrandt must have shed many tears and died many deaths before he could have so exquisitely painted the father’s heart for his lost son. Rembrandt had once again painted himself as the Prodigal Son, but this time coming back home to his Father.
Instead of the rich apparel with which the youthful Rembrandt painted himself in younger days, he now wore only a tattered undertunic covering his wasted body. The Prodigal Son, like Rembrandt, returned to the Father with nothing: his money, his health, his honour, his self-respect, his reputation…everything had been squandered (Luke 15). Yet the good news of Rembrandt’s painting was that the Father still loved him and welcomed him home unconditionally.
Rembrandt indeed saw himself as the 
Prodigal Painter coming home to the true Father. Rembrandt knew that he had wandered a long way, but that it was never too late to return home. My prayer is that many of us may have the courage, like Rembrandt, to turn our hearts towards Home, where love and forgiveness are waiting.
*The Prodigal Son Painting: http://www.artchive.com/rembrandt/prodigal.html
The Reverend Ed Hird, Rector
St. Simon’s Church North Vancouver
Anglican Mission in the Americas (Canada)
http://stsimonschurch.ca
-author of the award-winning ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’
http://www.battleforthesoulofcanada.blogspot.com
p.s. In order to obtain a copy of the book ‘Battle for the Soul of Canada’, please send a $18.50 cheque to ‘Ed Hird’, #1008-555 West 28th Street, North Vancouver, BC V7N 2J7. For mailing the book to the USA, please send $20.00 USD. This can also be done by PAYPAL using the e-mail ed_hird@telus.net . Be sure to list your mailing address. The Battle for the Soul of Canada e-book can be obtained for $9.99 CDN/USD.
-Click to download a complimentary PDF copy of the Battle for the Soul study guide : Seeking God’s Solution for a Spirit-Filled Canada
You can also download the complimentary Leader’s Guide PDF: Battle for the Soul Leaders Guide
-previously published in the Deep Cove Crier
Romancing the Heart of Stone
August 22, 2009
By Rev Ed Hird
What is Love, said one anonymous blogger? “It is a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the 
lips to pucker.”
Shakespeare wrote: “Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs. Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers’ eyes. Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers tears. What is it else? A madness most discreet, a choking gall and a preserving sweet.”
The famous Pirate Captain Blackbeard was a firm believer in marriage. Some say that he had fourteen wives in different ports. Howard Hughes as a modern-day pirate 
reportedly had over 250 partners/girlfriends stashed in different locations, many which falsely believed that they were married to Hughes. Perhaps this is why Marilyn Monroe sadly commented: “A wise girl kisses but doesn’t love, listens but doesn’t believe, and leaves before she is left.”
Despite all the cynicism and marital meltdown, North Americans still spend $13 billion on Valentines Day gifts, including 200 million roses, 40 million heart-shaped candy boxes, and $3 billion on jewelry.
We live in an age when many couples wake up with each other, and then try to figure out whether or not they want a commitment. Given the ambivalent procrastination of our post-modern culture, it is not surprising that some couples are still stuck on the way to the altar even after their second child. Some want to be completely financially secure first, even to the point of having all the money for their dream Hawaii honeymoon. Without that, they say, marital commitment is just unthinkable.
The biblical position is that ‘true love waits’. The confusion of our culture does make true love wait, not for sex, but for marriage. When God’s standards for intimacy are disregarded, the look-alike solutions become more and more ambivalent. Even living together is now seen as too committed by some young couples. All this leaves many young people jaded and detached, with ever higher standards of who might ever qualify as their future marital partner.
In the movie
Romancing the Stone, Joan Wilder a romance writer meets Jack Colton who violates every one of her imaginary ideas of what a real man will act like. Romancing the Stone reminds us that real romance involves the messiness and disappointments of everyday life. Dr Karl Menninger, the famous psychiatrist, said: “Love cures people, both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.”
Eighteen years ago, I wrote a Deep Cove Crier article about Marriage Encounter in which I wrote the following words: “Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world.” Recently I discovered that those words have now been posted on hundreds of Romance websites http://bit.ly/35E4or Why would so many Romance websites be posting my words?
My hunch, as Dr Gil Stieglitz puts it, is that one of the deepest needs of wives is to be truly understood by their husbands. Many men mistakenly think that this is impossible. It is our job as husbands to carefully study our wives that we know them even better than they may know themselves.
Dr Gil Stieglitz tells us in his video series ‘The Five Problems of Marriage’ that one of the top needs of wives is for romance, to be nurtured and pursued. Some husbands don’t realize that they still need to date their wives, even after they are finally married to them. To some men, dating their wives is unthinkable. It would be like trying to get on a bus that they are already on.
Alfred Lord Tennyson romantically wrote: “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.” Romance is not an option. It is fundamental in any healthy marriage. If we have not been romancing our wife lately, she may be suspicious of our initial efforts. It may feel like we are romancing a stone, a stony heart. That is where perseverance and gentleness are so vital in the pursuit.
My wife finds it very romantic when I take out the garbage and do the dishes. Your wife needs to know that she is the most beautiful woman on earth, that she is a precious gift of God to you. Romance is saying, like Robert Browning, to your wife: “Grow old along with me; the best is yet to be.”
The Great Physician of our souls said: “This is my commandment that you love one another. No greater love has anyone than to lay your life down for your friends. 
The Good Book says that he that does not love doesn’t know God, because God is love. Pearl Buck the famous novelist wrote: “Love alone could waken love.”
Why are women spending so many billions of dollars each year on romance novels? Largely because there is an unmet need in their life that only you as their husband can fully meet. Your wife is waiting for you to romance her, to win her, to woo her. What are you waiting for?
edhird
